(Not) Okay.

Well i had intended to post many moths ago. My draft was saved onto my fesicious laptop and since then has evaporated, so the first part of this post is an overview of what has happened and collective thoughts on the past ages up to the recent events of the past couple of days:

(NB - keeping a journal to use as reference is extrememly handy. Also, this hasnt been drafted so just live with your anger at my typos, spelling errors, etc)

a)i)- Travel (and a little tourism)

Im not one to do much, ever, but come feburary time i had traveleled collectively over 1000 miles. One third accompanied by my dear friend Katrina where we voyaged to Oxford City (a personal favorite of mine, architecturally and generally aesthetically) where we attended a gig at the grand city hall to see Stornoway - a rapidly rising-to-stardom-and-popularity folk band of whom we have adored for a few years now. We stayed overnight with slight grief from the lady at the TravelSmodge who was very informative of all the "big burly security men" they had on call as we didnt look of legal age to be staying there without a responsible adult. Despite the somewhat stressful experience on the tube itself, my worry of not being able to navagate london underground was unnecesary.

- a)ii) Falifornia

For the second part of my half term, I traveled back over to the other side of the country (within a few days of my Oxford trip) to see my love of mine. The journey took some 12 hours there, and 14 back again. Yes, it was horrible, but also, so very worth it. You can only know so much about places and people that have been described numerous times but you cannot know it/them truly until youve been there. You cant know until you've met them. Being the other side of England was like being at the end of the earth in a little Falmouth bubble - a seperate reality. Unfortunately certain elements of said realities had to overlap and i was obliged to revise for my studies whilst my host attended various lectures etc. I wouldnt have minded hadn't i been home alone with flairing IBS.

b) Mapped out?

Thats another thing. They've figured out all that is wrong with my mashed up insides. A diagnosis to one element is that i am doomed to live a potatoless life, as i have IBS. I have medication i infrequently take (Sorry, its just difficult to determine and countdown to when your next meal will be when you have temprarily lost your sense of hunger). Symptoms when looked at collectively seemed somewhat serious (hence my somewhat depressing few posts(ish)) but are no longer thought of as linked. A few scary moments later and now i can go back to not giving a crap.

c) Ooo, Friend!

I find it funny, and it a little bit of a gift that i have the ability to feel perfectly comfortalble with people i haven't spoken to properly or seen physically for months on end. My oldest and dearest friend came to stay with me last weekend and it was as if we had only said goodbye the previous day. I love the ease of relationships like that. Of course i was sad to see her go, especially as her stay seemed so short, but i know that when we see eachother again in the summer months when school is out, the time inbetween will compress and our timeline will resume.

d)i) Stressball

A few things have contributed to slight meltdowns as of late.This time of year is always a little difficult, and there have been several not-so-nice things that've been shocks to the systems in terms of news. My decision to remove social media from my life for a while has greatly helped but i've still a little way to go. This is likely predominantly down to lack of revision for my exams in which i cannot let myself do anything less than what i know i am capable of. If i get less than an A in my Art&Design course i believe i will be strung up by my tutors. As for History, Product Design, Philosiphy and Ethics.. well.. excuse my crude choice of words but i may be a little.. Fucked.

d)ii) Heinous B!tch

Due to the cutting off of much of my communication i am fully aware that i may have hurt, worried, or neglected some certain induviduals, and for that i am sorry. I honestly think that what i am doing is the right thing to do right now. No, i'm not sure how it'll last but when things stop declining i'll come back in gradual steps, starting with the people i care about most. Infact, I'm writing this so hopefully those people see it in time and perhaps hopefully forgive me, perhaps try and understand.


That'll do for now. I'll write again.. whenever